Why are there no female astronauts on the moon? 'Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet. Why does the bride always wear white? Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. ....

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A couple was getting ready to go to a Halloween party but the wife had a terrible headache. She told her husband to go anyway. After a short argument he agreed, and she took some aspirin and went to b....

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One day a man and his wife went golfing, as they frequently did together. They arrived at the 12th hole where the husband promptly hit a tremendous slice that ended up behind an old barn. "I guess I'....

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A football coach noticed that his star tackle, Bubba, had so many women hanging around that he couldn’t possibly handle all of them. So one day he asked Bubba, “Just what the hell is your secret?” Bub....

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Maria gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A few weeks later, she dies. At the funeral, the pr....

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1. Cats do what they want, when they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play they want to be l....

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Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that you would offend the person standing near you?...NOT. Well, if you are, then here are some alternatives to some popular phrases. I fo....

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Two old maids were grocery shopping. The sign said `Bananas - 3 for 50 cents. So they put two in the shopping cart. One said to the other, "How much will that be apiece?" The other one said, " That wo....

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When the milkman found a note on one of his customer's doors asking for 16 gallons instead of the usual quart, he rang the bell. "Sorry to bother you, ma'am," he said, "but are you sure you want sixte....

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This wife has been married for seven years and has six kids and is tired of being pregnant. So, she goes to talk to her priest, the priest tells her to go and by a ten gallon bucket and stick her ....

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The young widow was kneeling at her husband's grave tending to the weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt. She smiled and said "Easy sweetheart, you're dead now ya know."....

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Three Things Women Can Do That Men Can't: 1. Bleed for a week and not die. 2. Give milk without eating grass 3. Bury an eight inch bone faster than any dog!....

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How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "....

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The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls" I told my husband that I would be home by midnight...."I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way to easy....

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The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to....

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Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman. ....

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How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way....

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Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you ....

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ELEMENT: WOMAN SYMBOL: WO DISCOVERER: ADAM ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas. Physical Properties: 1. Surface nor....

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A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I hav....

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