Dear Help Desk,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to
the accounting modules, limiting access to flower and je....
One day Bill Gates left work, started driving off, and
remembered he'd left his suit-jacket in the office. He stopped
the car, locked the door, and ran back to the office to get the
jacket.
When....
The world's first fully computerised airliner was ready for its
maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the
loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the
steps c....
The Top 20 replies by programmers when their programs do not
work:
20. That's weird...
19. It's never done that before.
18. It worked yesterday.
17. How is that possible?
16. It must be a hard....
Warning to ALL women:
Husband : (Returning late form work) "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged
in."
Wife : Have you brought the ring ?
Husband : Bad command or filename.
Wife : But I told you in....
PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN It Still Does Nothing
APPLE Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
SCSI System Can't See It
DOS Defective Operating System
BASIC Bill....
486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art co....
Right after the wedding, in bed, in a fancy hotel, Mr. and Mrs. Bill Gates
decided to name the new company together.
Mrs. Gates: How about we name it after your penis?
BILL: Why the hell would ....
Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having
trouble with her computer. So she called Prem, the computer guy,
over to her desk.
Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.....
A helicopter was flying around Seattle yesterday when an electrical
malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pi....
Software Engineering Glossary of Product Terminology:
NEW: Different colors from previous version.
ALL NEW: Software is not compatible with previous version.
UNMATCHED: Almost as good as the....
Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told them: "I need three important people to send my
message out to all people: Tomorrow I will destroy the ear....
Ten ways to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer
10. Your monitor is found up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tabacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The ....
A blonde and red head were sitting at a table having lunch.
Their conversation turned to Ebay. "I really like to use Ebay."
Said the Red Head. "I bid on it everyday."
"Well I hate Ebay!" Says th....
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner
points to three identical birds and says, "The parrot to your
left costs $500." The man asks, "Why does the parrot costs so
much?" The own....
The computer service department has determined there is no longer any need
for network or software applications support.
The goal is to remove all computers from the desktop by January, 1999.
Ins....
...the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me.
...the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work
area.
...my assistant began responding to my memos with, "Yeah,
whatev....
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a
chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car
just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look
at each o....
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
You now think of three espresso's as "getting wasted."
You no longer own a real deck of cards. Solitaire, spades, and
hearts are all played on ....
A letter workers may receive after Y2K...
January 4, 2000
Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time
over the past 100 year(s). As....
